I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you inspire me to be a worse person
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
