I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
