I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
