Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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