Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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