The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
