she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
