you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize