well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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