Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
