in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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