Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
