OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
