you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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