your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize