Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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