After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
