I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
