I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
only if we run a train.
done.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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