i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
