bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
