im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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