You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
