just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
