Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
