garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
