Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
