guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
