we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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