a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
