I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize