I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
