dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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