i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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