I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
