omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
