we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
