I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
