nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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