We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
