i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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