my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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