so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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