Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
