WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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