I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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