is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize