Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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