she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
