She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize