She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need to calm my uterus...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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