wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
