im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
