This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
