Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
