I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize