mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
