just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
