where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
