so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just invented taco cereal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
