She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
