I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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