I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
