we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize