take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
