I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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