I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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