I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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