At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
