can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
