Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize